Hades and Persephone  Rewritten
by Greek Re-writer
Summary: A/N: My first story on FF, hope you like it! It'll probably be part of a series of short stories that I decided to do. Basically, I take the original myth and rewrite them. Mostly romantic and some humorous like this one. Reviews are more than welcome!


Hades & Persephone

For some reason, people love tales that speaks of my evil doings and how my wife wishes to leave me for half the year. Really, isn't that more of a glorious celebrity divorce? Well, I do consider myself a celebrity so for centuries I have born the burden of such stories that I associated with the fame of being the Lord of the Dead.

But perhaps it is time for me to tell the truth of the story, how Persephone and I met. Unlike the ignorant story tellers who led you to believe otherwise, I did not meet her on some silly tour on earth and saw her frolicking in some ridiculous garden, Really, do you think being the sole god of the Under-world is some part time job that allows time for a holiday? I barely have the time to even get a nap, with all the people constantly coming through the damn gates and the ferry man is to be blamed for most of this. He is constantly getting bribed by mortals to enter the gates of hell, though what he needs the damn gold for I have no idea. With all the ferrying he has done, I doubt he even has time to get any shopping shipped to him (see what I did there! Ferryman, shipped! Hahaha).

Persephone as you all know (and the only thing Hesiod got right in his story) is the daughter of Demeter. Yes, she is involved in the whole fertility charade with the fruits and flowers etc. In fact, she was the one who sought me out in the underworld. Like everything else in the world, excesses is never good and so in my then future wife's view, the excessive presence of spring and all the bearing of fruits, flowers and herbs are more than a little draining on the soil. In other words, she decided to balance of the all so wonderful blossoming spring with a little withering (hence the name winter get it?) Now her problem as she so convincing put it to me was the tiny detail that she cannot directly cause the death of any form of harvest. So she bribed the ferry man (see what I mean by the excessive bribing), tamed my hound Cerberus and practically marched into my office while I was in the middle of constructing a new pool for the souls of undead.

'So Hades, I need to beg a favor from you', she announced as she stepped into my office. Talk about making an entrance.

'You do realize that you are intruding aren't you? Didn't Demeter teach you any manners?' I snidely remarked.

'Well, you aren't exactly big on manners either considering the three-headed dog you have at your doorstep', she retorted.

'And how did you get pass said beast?' I asked, a little curious at the goddess who in most ways is of a lower status than me and definitely not as powerful as I am.

'I have my ways' Was all that she said on that matter and proceeded to present her proposition. I was to lend her Death at certain times to give earth a rest from all the birthing and flourishing. In return, I would get to tour the earth, bring down flowers of eternal grace or something like that.

'Well, as _attractive_ your offer is, I am not into things like flowers or even a tour of the world. The souls I see here paint a rather horrific picture of earth and I am afraid my poor constitution will not be able to take the company of men.' With that I bared my teeth as a good bye grimace and would have sent that silly goddess off. Really, being around too much pollen seems to breed a lot of crazy ideas.

She however, was proving to be a little more than cooperative, ignored my obvious rejection and wondered over to my table staring at my near completed plans for the pool of forgetfulness. My problem with the pool was that none of the souls would be tempted to enter the pool since the climate in hell was generally rather cool. (The cold temperature mainly because I have a relatively week complexion and excessive heat really affects my godly appearance. Who the hell would take me seriously if I had things like acne or freckles?) Here, the little minx suggested that I made chairs instead of a pool. The vast amount of travelling souls had to do across the under-verse would give the chairs a definite appeal. Well, being the ruler of one third of the universe naturally means I know good advice when I hear it. So yes, I did change my plans according to her suggestions. I am sure I would have thought of that eventually.

Well, Persephone then thought of another exchange that would benefit me in exchange for a little death. She would help out with my projects with her 'quick wit' and 'fresh perspective' (more like naïve thinking) and I would not have agreed to it if she hadn't went ahead and went through my plans for the upcoming expansion of a new realm to create more space (there are so many souls to account for). I have to grudgingly admit that she was helpful in sorting out certain details – what do you expect, the devil is in the details and I am the god, big pictures are my specialty – and yes she provided good conversation time to time. Most of my helpers in hell cannot appreciate my humor and sarcasm so it was nice to have someone somewhat on par with my intellectual level. So in exchange for the time she spent with me, I sent Death up to earth for a little tour. Now it is important to state that I already gave specific instructions to Death to limit the amount of withering was to be done. Even being one third ruler of the universe does not make you immune to the not-so-good-natured Demeter. (Mother-in-laws are always hard to deal with)

Point was, I didn't force Persephone to elope with me and definitely did not kidnap her and swallowed her into the bowels of the earth. If anything, she came looking for me and I merely, being the gentleman that I am, aided her in what she thought earth needed. The thing is, Demeter obviously found out about her frequent visits to my place and like all mothers, is overly protective. By this time, Persephone and I are on relatively good terms, Alright, I was fond of that imp goddess. So naturally, I was not too happy when her mother banned her from visiting. Not that is was anything personal, but really, the underworld is not that bad a place and it is my home. It is rather insulting to have another immortal criticize my not-so-humble and definitely-awe-inspiring abode. I responded to this insult as politely as I could by paying a short visit to Demeter but that old witch, I mean old lady, went on to Olympus presuming to complain to Zeus. Now, I might have the godly share of the humorous genes among my brothers, but aggression is not part of my peace-loving nature unlike my younger brother (seriously, how peaceful can that crack of thunder and lightning be? Unlike the peaceful eternal sleep of death)

So I returned to my home and rather cleverly sent death up for his routine tour as part of my continued agreement with Persephone. After all, _dear_ earth needs a break doesn't it? I can't be accountable for the wide-spread death in the absence of Demeter now can I? I certainly did not know that she would be taking _that_ long up in Olympus now would I?

That was the first ever Winter for mankind, and it is only partially attributed to Demeter's absence. The true genius of the first change in season is yours truly. Zeus, predictably, was not too happy about it, (actually I think he just doesn't like that Demeter is constantly harping at him at Olympus along with Hera) so he convinced Demeter to return to earth together with her daughter in order to restore earth. The thing is, Persephone visited me _constantly_ after she was done with her duties. After all, I think she would be fond of my brilliant and humorous company (what can I say; being a lady _killer_ is part of the role as the God of the Dead).

Remember the whole tale about how I supposedly tricked her into eating the food of the dead so that she would be trapped here for all eternity with me according to your legends mortals? An absolutely fallacy! I did not need to resort to lying. In fact, the fruit of the dead merely helps to extend your stay in the underworld, certainly not for eternity. Unless of course you kept eating the fruit in which case you won't be able to return to earth until a few days are over but these are just fine print and all that. Anyway, I did detail out all of these to Persephone before she ate the peaches so I already have a disclaimer set up. Ultimately, when her mother demanded her immediate return (often right after Persephone ate the fruit, so I suspect Demeter was doing it on purpose to blame me for keeping Persephone by force) she could not return till sometime later.

Here I hate to admit but my Persephone exhibited a rather delightful bit of cunning (must be my constant company that gave her such brilliant ideas). Tired of her mother's complaining and having to spilt the days between her commitments down in hell with me, I mean her projects for underworld as she was fond of my home, and her duties as a 'fertilizer' (here meaning person who fertilizes the earth bringing spring and all that) she drew up a time table. She would divide the entire year between her mother and I so that she doesn't have to constantly commute between two worlds. At this point, I was not privy to her plans and she very craftily sneaked an agreement to allow her to stay with me for half the year among a stack of documents for me to sign. To my infinite embarrassment, she actually managed to trick me (me! who am often very dedicated to details). Her mother was distressed about her daughter's deal with the devil and attempted to black mail her daughter to return by ignoring earth and allowed death to wither crops in her absence till her daughter returned.

Well, the story ends with me being touched by her steadfast commitment to the underworld and of course she as lovely as a goddess can be. We eventually married and of the six months she spends on earth, I enjoy my quiet evenings alone with my dog (who actually likes Persephone better) and stroll along my home (which has Persephone's touch all over) and wait (not overly impatiently) for my beloved wife to return.


End file.
